Happy Monday!

My last post was pretty down, but I’m happy to report I had a good weekend and things are looking up. 🙂

We had a very productive weekend, actually. Saturday was a relax day. I wasn’t feeling good from the fires–headache, tired, depressed. But Sunday, our fam bam went to church (which was awesome) & then we came home and Evan & I worked on our yard. We raked, helped spread some gravel, cleaned our whole yard & painted our front porch/stairs. They were in horrid condition, but now they look amazingggg, and are ready for some pumpkins! Seriously, it changes the look of the whole house. Anyways, it always feels better when I’m productive.

I’m also happy to report that I actually got in a good jog last night. I didn’t log my miles or anything, but I think I went about 2 miles. My legs are sore this morning.. I did have to stop and take a few breaks because my throat would start burning, but my lungs did well and I was determined to at least get some physical activity in.

On another note, I started a cleanse. I believe that just like we change the oil in our car every few thousand miles, our bodies “oil needs to be changed” as well. A good detox & eating really clean and strict will do a body good.

This weeks eats include:

  • Breakfasts: oatmeal with lots of fresh fruit–blackberries, strawberries, bananas & apples, with cinnamon & natural almond butter, green smoothies.
  • Snacks: almonds, raw vegetables, soy beans, rice cakes, hard boiled eggs, hummus, fresh made salsa, homemade guacamole.
  • Lunches include chicken over greens with a sweet potato, lean deli turkey meat in a spinach wrap loaded with vegetables, soup.
  • Dinner includes fresh salmon & halibut with raw vegetables, steamed vegetables, an assortment of salads, quinoa, brown rice, etc.

Some recipes I may try include: raw carrot bites, cauliflower crust (with fresh marinara sauce & veggies on top–vegan pizza!), spinach protein pancakes (made with greek yogurt) & savory lean turkey muffins (only 80 calories a muffin!)

Both kids are napping so I’m going to read a little & maybe get in a quick HIIT workout.

Something to think about.

Where’d the week go?

Helloooo!

Well, this week really flew by. It’s already Friday.

TBH, this week was tough. I was in a funk. I didn’t sleep good, I had migraines, I didn’t work much–i was hormonal. Like sad, couldn’t get out of bed, crying at random & eating all carbs hormonal. (no i’m not pregnant–but I did test to eliminate that small probability) My hair is falling out in CHUNKS. Post-baby awesomeness, I tell ya. Little things irritated me to the point of rage and on top of it, Knox hasn’t been sleeping the greatest. Blah. I don’t like being like this, I feel helpless because I really can’t control my emotions as much as I try. I want to be happy and peppy and have the energy and drive to get so much done, but I just can’t. I just haven’t been my regular ambitious self, and I hope I come back soon. I hope this dark cloud of heaviness lifts.. I don’t think it’s depression, maybe a small bout of PPD???, but I know myself–if I let it go too long, it’ll get worse. Sooo, I am just going to pray, rest, do what I can without beating myself up, and hopefully the sun will come out soon 🙂 If not, I may go see a doctor–get my hormones checked, make sure everything is good.

So as much as I would like to impress you with awesome pictures, cool stories,  new recipes  and fun places we went this week–I just don’t have any. Susie Homemaker & Positive Peggy got shoved in a closet & Negative Nancy came to visit. I stayed home & some days I even stayed in my pajamas all day and was a bore–and my kid got mac n cheese for more than one meal…*sighhh* As much as I’d like to pretend I have it all together, I didn’t this week & I’m just keeping it real.

So, cheers to a happy weekend and new week *clink*!

Something to think about:

 

 

Weekly Recap 9/14 & random thoughts.

Oy!

This week went by so fast. I can hardly believe it is Friday, already. I love those types of weeks. 

The week started off kinda rough. Monday I literally did nothing. I spent all day in pajamas, caught up on Top Chef & was kind of in a post-vacation funk. Ever been in one of those? You have so much to do–unpacking, laundry, getting back into a routine–but you just don’t want to do any of it. So I didn’t. 

Also? I ate horrible on vacation, so I really cleaned up my eating this week. I actually think I got sort of a stomach bug while on vacation (either that or my body was just reacting to eating food I don’t normally eat–like sushi, or Chilis) Either way, this week was filled with lots of lean proteins, vegetables, fruits, & healthy fats. I cut out junk, sugar, fatty foods, and am feeling much better about it today. 

I got to spend most of my days taking care of “The Adorable”:

& I didn’t really have to go into the office, which was nice. I tackled a wicked long home list including deep cleaning the kids bedrooms, mopping & dusting the living room, cleaning out the fridge, organizing our laundry room, cleaning out the junk drawers, & doing about 283,399 loads of laundry. Approximately.

I still have the master bedroom to do…sigh. It’s kinda the ground zero of our house. I want to redo it SO bad. I want to make a headboard (thanks, Pinterest.), paint, get some drapes, rearrange, put in hardwood floors & get a new bed set. But my ambitions don’t quite match up with my budget, so hopefully I’ll figure something out to do on the cheap. 

I need to start working out again. I was working out like a ninja, but it seems like once I hit that pre-preg weight and then lost about 10 MORE pounds, I kinda gave up and have just been maintaining. I’m not unhappy with my weight, but I miss being in shape, and my body definitely needs some toning. The smoke we’ve had has really prohibited me from running outdoors, so I may just have to go to the gym or get with it at home. 20 minutes a day? That’s my goal. Weight training and/or cardio every day this week, rest day (next) Saturday. I can do it. My abs, thighs & arms will thank me. 

Another random thought. I got up early this morning and it felt SO good. I was up at 5, drank Spark & some coffee (it was cold, and I ended up with some serious morning jitters), but then Evan & I got to hang out, we talked about some plans we have for the house this fall, we ate breakfast together, did a TV devotion and got to hang out with Ben ALL before he had to leave for work at 7:30. It was amazing and set a wonderful tone for the day. I miss getting up early–definitely need to do it more often. 

Tomorrow we head out for a grocery trip. I never did Evan’s birthday dinner that I was planning, so I’m thinking of getting some exotic ingredients for a new recipe to try. Haven’t found one yet though, but you can bet it will be healthy & delicious. And dessert-I’m the world’s worst baker, but I’m thinking at trying my hand at some macaroons (healthy & possibly raw or vegan). Still undecided, so I’ll letcha know 😉 I’m also introducing food to Knox this week, so there’s sure a lot of excitement going on in the food front, no? 

I gotta run, my 3 year old is begging to play Hide & Seek. I’ll be back Monday! Have a fantastic week, my zero readers.. haha. 

Something to ponder on:

Here’s a laugh for the day.

Conversation between Ben (3 years old) & His best friend/partner in crime at daycare (2 years old):
Ben: “Lyle! I like your shirt, what it say?”
Lyle: *looks down at shirt* “I dunno Ben, what it say?”
Ben: “I dunno, Lyle. What your shirt say?”
Lyle: “I dunno, Ben. What my shirt say?”
REPEAT X1,000 until they both realize they can’t read..hahah. Our daycare providor told Evan this story this morning and we’re still laughing about it.

Knox 4 Months

Well, Knox, you are 4 months old! 
 
I seriously cannot believe its been that long since you came into our lives, it really feels like just yesterday I was in the hospital anxiously awaiting your arrival. At the same time, it feels like you’ve been with us all along. Like how were we ever a family without you? 
 
It has been SO MUCH FUN to watch you grow over the past few months. You are developing at lightning speed (compared to your brother, who took his own sweet time). 
 
here are some “stats”:
-Your appointment isn’t until next week, but I think you weigh 15-16lbs & are about 24 inches long. You are CHUBBY! I love it! I call you my squishy, because you are. You are SO squishy. haha. 
-You are in 6 month clothes (told you you are chubby)
-Size 2 Diapers
-You sleep through the night
-You take 6-8 oz bottles every 3-4 hours (have I mentioned you are chubby?)
-You try so hard to roll over.
-You love grabbing for toys, you absolutely love your jumper & play mat. You stayed in your playmat for over an hour yesterday. You played and played, took a small powernap, then woke up and played some more! 
 
What I love is seeing your personality bloom. Besides doing the normal growing & developing,  your personality is really starting to show. 
 
First, you have the sweetest heart. You don’t cry. All babies cry, right? You don’t. Maybe when you’re hungry, but I can read your cues usually before you start screaming. You are just the most laid back, relaxed, & content baby. There will be times I go to check on you when you are napping, and you will be wide awake, playing with your hands or just looking around. When someone smiles at you, you flash them the biggest Knox grin or giggle. You love personal interaction. I could spend hours laughing with you, talking to you, reading you a book, and it makes you so happy! You coo back, smile back, laugh back.. it’s amazing. Even though you love toys, you love faces & personal interaction more!
I love the way you watch your brother. Whenever Benjamin is in the room your eyes are glued to him, intently watching his every move. If I were to read your thoughts, I’d like to suppose you wish you were up and playing with him… soon enough, baby. 😉 
 
You are a blankie boy! Just like your brother & your mama. It drives your daddy crazy because he’s in a house full of people who love their “blankies”. If there is a blankie even remotely close within range, you will grab it and snuggle with it. So cute. You love your Aden & Anais blankies, most. 
 
You adore bathtime. You are practically an opposite infant than your brother (I’m sure that will change). Ben hated his bath, but you love it. It calms you down, you love the water, to splash, and have the water run over your head. You smile, giggle or are just completely content. It’s a routine that mommy & daddy always give you your bath together, and while we enjoy it, we are excited for when you are older & can bathe with Benjamin. For now its our little bonding time. 
A couple other randoms- you are starting to dislike your binky more and more. You love watching the dog, Charlie. You have a little eczema spot on your cheeks. You still love your Rock & Play Sleeper- we tried moving your chubbiness to a bassinet because you’re outgrowing the sleeper, but you weren’t having it. 
 
Lastly, food. I’m so excited to introduce you to solids. I think I may wait another month or so, but we’ll see. You’re a hungry fella! I’m going to be making all your baby food and am excited to see what I come up with. We’ll probably start off with vegetables.. peas, sweet potato, green beans, carrots.. I also want to introduce avocado to you early and then fruits.. bananas, apples, pears, peaches. But right now I’m still exclusively pumping so you’re getting all the breastmilk you need. I know that’s still going to be your primary source of nutrition, but as much as you grab for stuff and watch us intently as we put food in your mouth, you seem anxious to try some too! 
 
Knox,
I love you more than words will ever be able to express. I can honestly say I’m enjoying every “stage” we’re in. I used to be so anxious to get to the next stage and rush through the infancy phase, but I’m loving every moment this time around. You are such an integral part of our family, and have already been impacting our lives in such a positive way. My heart melts into a pile of mush everytime I see you smile at your brother, or every time your Brother says, “I love you, Knox” and kisses you on the head. And while I’m enjoying every moment ‘in the now’, I’m excited to watch you grow. I’m excited for the day you and Ben can play together and fight together. I’m excited to learn more about the person you are–your likes, your dislikes, watch as your gifts and talents develop. What’s your love language? Are you a Type A personality? Are you going to be shy or outgoing? What’s your sense of humor going to be like? Are you going to be gifted in music, evangelism, sports, music, public speaking..? I can’t wait to learn & discover those things. One of my earnest prayers is that the brotherly bond between you and Benjamin will be strong and unbreakable. That you would be an encouragement to one another and have a lifelong companionship. I also pray that I could show you Jesus Christ at a young age. That you would desire him as a youth & have a heart to obey and serve Him. That he would be your Lord & Saviour & you would worship him all the days of your life. I know I can’t protect you from everything, there will be times you fall and fail, and I will have to let you do it, but I pray you will always turn to Jesus. I will fail you, I will not always communicate love the way I should, I will fall short, though not intentionally. But God won’t, He will never leave you, never fail you, never forsake you. And in all my humanly power, I will always be here for you, I will do my best to love you, protect you, serve you, and train you up in the Lord. I will always love you, Knox! 
 

Thoughts on 9/11

 
I can’t believe it has already been 11 years since that dreadful September day. I never really have spent much time reflecting on it–where I was, how I felt, etc. It was the same year my dad passed away, so I guess you can say that when September 11th happened, I was already in “grief-mode”, living in the shock and anguish of my own loss to really understand the gravity of what happened to our country and to the families of the thousands of people who lost their lives that day.
 
I was in the 8th grade, living with a family, when the lady, Robyn, called me upstairs to see the news. She was saying that the World Trade Center was hit by an airplane. I had no idea what the World Trade Center was, but I saw this gigantic building in smoke and flames. Before I could grasp what was happening, eyes glued on the screen, I saw the 2nd plane hit. My heart sunk. I was rushing out the door to Middle School & pretty much every class was cancelled. We watched the news, some cried, others, like me, were scared. By then they had called it a “Terrorist Attack”.  What did that mean? I specifically remember thinking that ‘things are going to be way different’.
 
I was pretty sick the whole day, and I did shed tears. It hit me that there were thousands of people were experiencing the nightmare, the horror that I had just experienced a few months prior–that of a dear loved one. And my heart bled for them. It still does. I still feel the heaviness of the loss of my father and know that many people are feeling the pain of their loved ones absence on this day.
 
And I felt anger. Anger that as a young girl I had to feel unsafe in my own country and that was a very chilling feeling. I was angry for the people whose loved ones were taken by such an awful act of violence and had to join me on that awful, lonely journey called Grief. I was uncertain of the future, not quite sure what to expect, and much to young to really comprehend the effects that That Day would have, even a decade later. 
 
But in a way it opened my eyes. Made me appreciate freedom & how fortunate I am to live in a country that is free. Makes me appreciate the courage and bravery our military men and women have. Makes me not want to take for granted our liberties, my family, my country..  And beyond politics, foreign affairs, and everything else that this Day entails, September 11th is a precious reminder that each day is a gift, its not a right and its not guaranteed, so I will definitely be telling those close to me that I love them and I’ll hug my children a little longer tonight. 

Birthday Celebration.

As I mentioned earlier, we celebrated Evan’s birthday this weekend. We went to Coeur D’Alene, ID (pictured above). I haven’t been there since I was a child and don’t really remember it. It’s a beautiful city and I could totally live there. The lake was amazing (although we didn’t spend any time on it), our hotel was beautiful, the shopping, the food, the weather–all of it was perfect.

A few things we did:

Spent the day at Silverwood Theme Park.

Had amazing Sushi.

Slept in.

Hit up Starbucks.

Then did some shopping. (Okay not that much shopping)

Hard to believe my husband is 26. He was only 18 when I met him and we didn’t date until a couple years later.  I really am so lucky to have him.  He’s an amazing husband, an amazing father, and truly an amazing person. I really couldn’t have chose a better person to spend the rest of my life with. Even though we got married really young and have had our fair share of bumps along the way in ‘The Crazy’ called marriage, I would still marry him all over again. Before I get too sappy and melt into a pile of gush, I am so happy we got to celebrate my husband. See, his birthday is actually today, September, 11th, and has usually been overshadowed by the tragedy that happened to our country–and we’ve had dinners, cake, outings in years past, but I wanted to make this year extra special. A weekend away–kidless. And it was amazing, and I hope he felt special because he is 🙂 

___________________________________________________________

On another note, Knox is 4 months today! I’ll have to do an update this week.

Also? There was a frost this morning, so it’s official–fall decor is coming out! 

Weekly Recap

Instagram Pics

This week..

we played baseball with family & friends
went to a birthday party
I met with a family about their troubled teen
packed for our trip
deep cleaned the kitchen & floors
got my hair highlighted
inhaled too much smoke (fires)
found some new recipes to try
can’t stop thinking about fall
am excited for this weekend

We had a great week. Evan worked late most nights, so it was just me and the kids for the most part. Since I can’t run because of the smoke, I’m thinking of picking up a workout DVD of some sort. Something with HIIT & Strength Training. I’m looking at Jillian Michaels 30 Day Shred or Ripped in 30– not sure which one is better. I’d love to do Turbo Fire but the $$ is too high. We’ll see. I may just come up with my own.

Also, I have some new fun recipes to try. Although we are celebrating E’s birthday this weekend, his actual birthDAY is Tuesday (yes September 11th–sad) so I’m going to attempt a Reuben Strata (one of his favorite sandwiches is a reuben, so I’m going to attempt this creative alternative) And for dessert, a 4 layer delight. I’ll share more later.

Hope everyone has a wonderful weekend. I have to finish packing for the weekend! I’ll probably be back to blog on Monday! Also, next week Knox is 4 months.. SO hard to believe! Where does the time go?

Something to think about:

PS. i’m still learning the editing of wordpress & getting familiar with the blog settings, so try to forgive the weird formatting 🙂

Separation Anxiety.

Good morning!

This weekend E & I are going out of town to celebrate his birthday. We are going to a theme park and are going to be staying overnight in a hotel 5 hours away. I’m SO excited to celebrate with just my husband and I sans kids, however, this will be the first time I’ve left Knox overnight. Ben’s stayed overnight before (although never more than 5 hours away), and I know in my head that everything will be just fine. However my heart is anxious.  I’m sure every mother goes through this when their child stays the night away for the first time. And their in the best of hands–my parents. Still the separation anxiety is there. I feel like I need to be there to protect them at all times, that if I’m too far away they won’t be safe. And just what if something happened? Would I ever forgive myself? I know those questions are silly. I can’t life my life like that– dwelling on what-ifs and trying to be in control of their safety and well-being. That’s not how it works. It’s not how its supposed to work. We’re supposed to live in faith & peace. Ever since my father died, living in fear has been a life-long battle. He was killed suddenly and abruptly in a snowmobile accident, so I have a very real reminder that bad things can and do happen…and I can’t control it no matter how hard I try.

So I just ask God to give me a ‘peace that surpasses all understanding that it may guard my heart & mind in Christ Jesus’ (Phil 4:7)

I heard a saying that says “You bring your own weather to the picnic”. Will I bring the rain or the sunshine? Will I see the positive or the negative? I’ve made it my mandate to always try to see the positive in every situation, yet without neglecting my true feelings. Feelings lie sometimes, huh?  Grief changes your perspective. You don’t get over it. Getting over it is an inappropriate goal. An unreasonable hope. The loss of a parent at a young age changes you. It changes your perspective. It changes the way birds sing. It changes the way the sun rises and sets. You are forever different.

You don’t get over it, but you get on with it. And I’m moving on. It’s been many many years since my father passed, and while I view life through a different lens because of my grief, I choose to bring the sunshine. I’ve lived in rain for far too long. It’s time for some sunshine.

And this weekend there will be sunshine. I’m still anxious about leaving my kids, but I’m even more excited to spend quality and needed time with my husband. To not have to worry about changing diapers, feedings, potty accidents, spills, or midnight wakings. I’m excited about putting on a dress and heels knowing I’ll make it through the night without getting spit up on or snot wiped on me.  I know that I need this, and our marriage will benefit from it.

So yes, I’m anxious, but I’m MORE excited!

Something to think about:

Labor Day

Evan taking Ben on one of the roller coasters

Where I live, Labor Day is the biggest holiday of the year. It just so happens that the town I live in happens to host the biggest holiday of the year. There’s a rodeo, carnival, parade, fair and concert.

Saturday we went to the livestock auction (our family business buys a pig or steer or sheep from the 4H). Afterwards we hit up the carnival and took Ben on some rides.

Sunday we went to church, then Ev (my husband) took Ben (our 3 year old) to a mud bogg. I wasn’t in the mud bogg mood, so I stayed home with Knox (the 4 month old). That night we went to a friends house and roasted marshmallows & listened to the concert from afar. Our kids played and a good time was had by all.

Monday we had a barbeque with my parents.

I am still recovering from the weekend. It is SO smokey here. There are wildfires on every single side of our town. It’s difficult to breath, I’m tired a lot, have a constant sore throat & dull headache. I was training for a 5K but can barely get a half a mile before I’m wheezing. Today my plan is to clean my house. I hate cleaning my house, but it must be done. Laundry & dishes are out of control & I feel better all-round when my house is tidy & clean. 
 
Here’s a thought for the day:

What are you doing today that will impact your tomorrow?